State Boards

Whew, its over and i feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted from my shoulders.... "performance anxiety", "panic attacks", "stress disorder","does not do well under pressure"....whatever you want to call it, Ive got it,... and more than my share! All my life I've buckled and run from whatever it is that happens to me when i am forced to face a situation that causes this overwhelming fear to rise up in me, choking me...paralyzing me. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't talk...and could not find a way to still the roaring, racing manic mind that takes over in those situations. In my younger days id run away, get drunk or anesthetize the demon with whatever would work. This time i had to feel him and face him , i knew it was just too important...key to my future, to my freedom...not that being a nurses assistant is all that important or even what i really want to do, but that the doing it was key...doing it afraid and trusting the Hand that holds me, that has always been there. And so I did and I stand ready to face the next hurdle...ready,set go!

Green Grass

Grass
Tonights moon is full and i am restless already...wondering, wandering, about the grass on the other side...I keep saying "How did I get here, to this point... to this place..." but I know, and I feel really sorry for myself! Choices made are'nt as easy to erase as the beard Erica is cutting from Calvins face...Everything matters now way too much...