Kaden Jay

Reassure me Lord...there's so much more at stake

Happy Birthday Jennifer♥

You bring me Joy~

Waiting for Kaden Jay

Anticipation is wearing me out...I honestly think this time its worse than when I was waiting for her to come!

Better Late...than Never?

They say better late than never...but Im not so sure. What she needed was a break...a long time ago, before, everything got so complicated...could of used your help...a long time ago, before...things became irreversible...Oh well God is in control of our lives, Thank goodness!......., Because I have none.

Sheba....

My heart is broken with sadness and grief ...where are you Sheba?...you know its always the not knowing, the horrible imaginings...that are so hard to push out of my mind. I've been here before, with animal and with human...I love so hard it really doesnt matter which. My hands are raised in angst than to praise...and I am thankful, this Thanksgiving, thankful for out short time together and the priveledge of loving you and to know this pain will come around again...as I long as I say yes to love,... It is my calling and I am crucified again, yet I choose Love♥

No more Stumbling...

Its been about fear,  for almost fifty years now...a shadow looming bigger than me, over me hovering a shadow spirit? Where did it come from...does it even matter now? Your hand is bigger and I trust You, the fear is neutralized in knowing YOu...and everything Is bearable,... tho' I've rallied against it for so long ...I dont like the refining fire, even now , but Im not afraid anymore...Use me Lord, speak clearly for time is pressing and the weight of these seconds seem to matter so much. Break the generational curses now and free us to be used...its not to late...

Its blazing hot outside, the kind of heat that sucks the breath out of your lungs as soon as it hits you. Its been awhile since I've posted and things are moving along at the speed of light as usual time waits for no man...I could use some time or some magic to slow it down. Whew! Already the middle of August and everything in my yard is crispy.Didnt have such a good flower season this year, my work really got in the way...and the sun! Im still working at the Arches, tho' I have switched to first shift which suits my internal schedule much better ☺Speaking of ...my work is so rewarding the longer Im there the more attached I get and the changes going on inside me ...wow I cant explain it all but its somthing...Truly a test of character and a window into your own soul and the Truth of it all...it really is about service...

J

Please help me I dont think I can do this anymore...The weight of her world is crushing me. The sadness, frustration...the ugliness of our human nature. My heart is broken for her plight...no way out, no solution. She needs a miracle Lord, and I dont think I can stand beside her, in the waiting...WHY AM I HERE?

RIP Lewis Pritchard

We truly are body and spirit... Sometimes it takes the destruction of our shells to see the spirit streaming thru. We can trust God...He really does know best.

Death becomes you... All warm and fragile , smiles and softness- Endearing words and sweetness. Truth is flowing and the knowing, and the gratitude...so thankful for the glimpse I got.

Life...is steamrolling over me!!

This year is blowing by me, my baby turned nineteen, shes doing well in school, and Kerri made me a grannie, Brianna is beautiful!

Me and Kerri Ann last saturday at her baby shower, looks like we're gonna be grandparents~

For Carmela

DIVORCE

Soak in the beauty so the ugliness
doesnt stain you

New Beginnings

Its finally spring, even though we have a freeze warning for tonight,im excited about the new growth and new starts happening in my world...I start a new job on monday in a new field,and am so psyched to have a new career that i feel will really make a difference in someones life! Im praising God and am trying to savor every minute of this holy week!

State Boards

Whew, its over and i feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted from my shoulders.... "performance anxiety", "panic attacks", "stress disorder","does not do well under pressure"....whatever you want to call it, Ive got it,... and more than my share! All my life I've buckled and run from whatever it is that happens to me when i am forced to face a situation that causes this overwhelming fear to rise up in me, choking me...paralyzing me. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't talk...and could not find a way to still the roaring, racing manic mind that takes over in those situations. In my younger days id run away, get drunk or anesthetize the demon with whatever would work. This time i had to feel him and face him , i knew it was just too important...key to my future, to my freedom...not that being a nurses assistant is all that important or even what i really want to do, but that the doing it was key...doing it afraid and trusting the Hand that holds me, that has always been there. And so I did and I stand ready to face the next hurdle...ready,set go!

Green Grass

Grass
Tonights moon is full and i am restless already...wondering, wandering, about the grass on the other side...I keep saying "How did I get here, to this point... to this place..." but I know, and I feel really sorry for myself! Choices made are'nt as easy to erase as the beard Erica is cutting from Calvins face...Everything matters now way too much...

To be or not to be??????

Well I have two weeks of clinicals left and ill be a nursing assistant,,, provided I pass the state boards!Still not sure if its what i want to do but,...

My Birthday Poem from Tammy

A Birthday Poem Just for You

So your day didn’t go the way you planned
However God was with you, holding your hand
Guiding you to where you should have been
Even if on a treadmill, taking a spin
Surrounded by strangers as it would appear
I feel they were angels that helped you my dear
It may seem selfish but I am glad you were there
God has many ways of answering our prayer
For had you traveled, it could have been more stress
So God had another plan, to ensure your rest
So thank him as I have; in your prayers today
For allowing you to stay with us, although ruining your birthday
We will plan to get healthier, without much cheer
And you’ll have a wonderful birthday next time, cause you’ll still be here.
For a Birthday is any day in which we're still kicking
Cant have a birthday if the ole heart isnt ticking.
So just for now, close your eyes and wish what you may
May all your wishes come true, have a Happy Birthday.

My animal babies...